Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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