i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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