Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Holy shit dude........stairs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
