i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
