Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
