I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize