pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
