Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
