he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
