Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
