Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
nutella sex= disaster
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
