you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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