Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
