I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
