You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
