I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
