those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize