someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
