It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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