Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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