You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
