My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
