Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
