He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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