I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
