Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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