Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
