So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
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