so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im holly from the hills drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
