evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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