I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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