So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
