I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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