i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
