Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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