I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
