Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
