a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
