I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
