He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
