you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
