u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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