Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Drake has all the answers
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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