would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
