how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
