idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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