i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
