I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
