eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
