tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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