I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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