I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
