Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
