woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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