he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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