I'm drive I can fine osifer
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
