She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
