You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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