2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the day after is always just damage control
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
