I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
