my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
