i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
