genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
