so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
