All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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