Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
