I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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