at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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