Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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