Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
