I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
