Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
