oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
