I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize